City Mangler Comic has been the sad-sack incompetent in charge of Shitty Hall for almost two decades now, and somehow he has been able to manipulate and con the citizens of predatorial Nelsonia into thinking that he has done a swell job over these last disastrous seventeen years, while deluding himself on his civic website page that the White Heritage City is “hitting above its weight class” at the provincial level under his failing tenure. Almost all the evidence reveals that navel-gazing Nelsonia has devolved into the worst gentrified conservative version of its possible outcomes, driven mad with greed by its elitist power-hungry boomers and their sellout wannabes that feed on the ill-begotten gains outlined by Frank Wilhoit’s Law that “Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect”.

Do the Kooky Konservatives of the Kootenays have any line items in their Shitty Hall budget about reconciliation, despite at least one of its councillors calling for funds dedicated to making the anti-Indigenous Nelsonia Police State less christo-fascist and colonial? Does the Queen Consort City have a municipal event planned for National Reconciliation Day, like Trailer does just down the road with the blessing of the Autonomous Sinixt? Under City Mangler Comic, most of his pet mega-projects have turned into over-budget boondoggles, such as the ongoing dock replacement snafu and the latest delay of the Civic Centre building, due to predictable cost escalations around its ancient roof. Because if there’s one thing the City Mangler loves is waiting far too long to get a project off the ground, until the money needed to complete the project has skyrocketed, as if he doesn’t understand that things get more expensive in the future.

The Mangling Comic always blames something other than himself for his desultory track-record, such as inflation, the NDP, pandemics, poor people, drug-users, the ‘vulnerably unhoused’ & mental health problems, etc., but there’s never any accountability for his lowly job performance, while he enchants the gullible dupes of the Valley of Lost Souls with his Pied Piper-like ability to hypnotize the masses from seeing the pile of crap he has on his resume from misleading the navy-boat armed occupation force of the imperial CoN. Even softball tasks such as finding a Sports Ambassador for the year go unfulfilled under the Comic Mangler’s clownish watch, as it doesn’t seem like anybody even wants to be a Cultural Ambassador either in this white male power enclave that still laughably thinks it’s an arts town.

October used to be the time when big live performances occurred at the Capitalist Theatre, but under the sadistic lead of its Executive Director beloved by the City Mangler, who together oversaw the creation of Touchstoned Museum that has already needed a decolonization rebranding exercise funded by their appeasing taxpayers, this fall features no significant local theatre shows, which were the bread-and-butter of seasons past. The Civic Theatre has been trying to expand from one screen to three throughout the City Mangler’s hapless run, and they’re as far away from their ambitious objective as they were then, with less public goodwill on their side, because Comic and his clerkish minions are absolutely terrible at winning people over to their cause with good old-fashioned likability.