Sure, the Slurrey Mayor may be awful, but we expect that of Slurrey with its high degree of difficulty and McGollumʼs inherent lack of brains. And at least piggy PG somewhat apologized for their harsh tent-city takedowns, but our own Ghoulie never says sorry! 

When presented with the unmasked opportunity to vent his spleen far too late as usual to his own detriment in response to Minister Dweebyʼs long-stated plan to overrule selfish municipalities that wonʼt build nearly enough housing projects to meet our insatiable demand, Major Ghoulie asked his serfs in a recent council meeting if Victoria is going to take away his WASPy neighbourhoodsʼ God-given right to quash low-cost development for our homeless and poverty-stricken citizens. Thankfully, the forthcoming rebuttal from his higher powers-that-be is: frack yes, because JDʼs land-holding profiteering scam which benefits only his back-door building boyz is precisely what Dweeby and the Nihilistic Demons in the colonial Leg are targeting as the reason for our discriminatory provinceʼs tragic housing disaster. So if Count Ghoulie and his vampiric manservants had done their homework, they wouldnʼt have stepped in the very pile of melted dogshit that their bosses are trying to clean up. 

Itʼs as if Dweeby set out a public-relations trap for uncivil fossilized despots like Good Ol’ Boy Ghoulie to spout off his ignorant whitewashed malarkey while he immorally defends his nasty CoNʼs appalling track-record as the best ever awesome genius anybody in Beastly BCʼs ever seen. Could he remind us more of Drumpf if he tried?

In the malevolent spirit of betraying both sides and mastering flip-flop spin-control to benefit oneself, when the Kooky Unfreedom Cult paid a recent visit to Shitty Hall to bemoan their mostly self-inflicted hardships at the hands of sad Dixie and Doctor Bonnie in front of the undead Ghoulster, he predictably anointed himself to play the deluded anti-hero for our anti-vaxx mob whom he recently blamed and castigated in the national media for daring to affect the bottom lines of his precious tourist-trap henchmen. You want satisfaction for not being able to enter restaurants and the like for months on end? Call the negligent CoNʼs corporate cheerleader, and if she doesnʼt get back to you just like before, I, Lord Ghouls, personally guarantee that she just might get back to you next time! 

Meanwhile, as Captain Ghouls is embarrassing himself and his NIMBY ʻconstituentsʼ by trying to take on Attorney General Dweeby in Poli-Sci debate club whom he accuses of not doing his “homework” as he admits politicos like himself often do, is the unsafe CoN doing anything about testing its wastewater samples for the inevitable wave of Jaws 6 variants already biting La Belle Province? The Ghoulie Gangʼs favourite tactic during the pandemic is to shift the blame from themselves to some other related entity whoʼs not them. Itʼs either the RDiCKʼs, or Trailerʼs, or Cancelgarʼs fault; otherwise, Dweeby and the unvaxxed fighters of freedom are to blame at Ghoulieville, where no-one in Shitty Hallʼs elitist clique has ever done anything wrong and thereʼs nothing to apologize for if youʼre willing to lick the spittle off your Lord and Saviorʼs salty beard. If none of those scapegoats suffice for a Christo-fascist disciple of Emperor Blacklockʼs “toxic work environment”, thereʼs always the Autonomous Sinixt that Big Bad Ghouls can blame for his woeful sins, as he knows from experience that his cruel Touchstoned and Capitalist Theatre settler enablers will also rush to disrespect the original inhabitants of this Valley of the Lost Souls in the shadow of Frog Mountain if thereʼs a way to affirm their white power. 

Of course, as he irrevocably proclaims, Captain Ghoulie of the Nelsonia Police State is right about his developer lackeys agreeing with him that the phallic CoNʼs greased-skids permit process is “robust” and “streamlined”, but only if youʼre with Him. Why would any of the Ghoulie occultists complain about a fixed racket that fluffs them and their golfing hockey buds? At a time when our former city councillor and now MIA MLA has to convince Hustler Hoagie and his Neutered-Dippers to buy the North Snore Inn just to house thirty of our expanding homeless populace, the deceptiCoNʼs Dear Leader decides that he will die on NIMBY Hill to fight off General Dweebyʼs campaign to permanently house those who canʼt afford to live in this gentrified narco-state, wherein the Ghoulies profit at the expense of those who fail their racially biased myth-of-merit pyramid scheme. 

Perhaps Ghoulie & the Gang will have more empathy after hopefully reading Francisʼ apology to our Indigenous peoples in which he pleads for forgiveness in a humble yet overly passive manner that the Cultist CoN has never evidenced in its First Nations-ignoring existence: “The chain that has handed down knowledge and lifestyles, in union with the territory, it has been broken up by colonization, which without respect has torn away many of you from the vital environment and tried to conform to another mentality,ʼ Pope Francis said today to our Indigenous delegation. ʻSo your identity and culture has been wounded, many families separated, many children have become victims of this homogenization action, supported by the idea that progress occurs through ideological colonization, according to programs studied at the table rather than respecting the lives of peoples. It is chilling to think of determined efforts to instil a sense of inferiority, to rob people of their cultural identity, to sever their roots, and to consider all the personal and social effects that this continues to entail: unresolved traumas that have become intergenerational traumas”. 

Why would anyone perpetrate the actions and mentalities which the Argentinean Pope inactively apologizes for, especially if youʼre from Eire Catholica like Leprechaun John is? Every time Chief Ghoulie cashes his public-purse paycheque along with his hypocritical sycophants among the CoNʼs horde of cronyism, he perpetuates the cycle of abuse which hits the Indigenous of this stolen land the hardest due to his aggressive insistence that the Autnomous Sinixt have absolutely no power to disturb the absolute power with which he corrupts us all. Ok, fine, heʼs a relatively responsible grandpa about town who purports to care about our marooned navy-boat imperial ʻcityʼ that heʼs run into the ground for decades. But every one of Chairman Ghouls’ beset voters knows full well whether they support him or not that he only favours a certain mainstream clientele that suits his extremely narrow vision of what his snobbish fiefdom shall be; even though he has virtually no idea whatʼs happening outside of his insular bubble of wishful thinking which the bully CoN praised for shielding us from the Covid kaijus, until they inevitably stomped on this heritage hamlet just like everywhere else. 

So in regards to doing your schoolboy homework, if youʼre the Mayor of a white-settler wonderland in the dead-centre of nowhere, youʼre best served to pay attention to what wiseguys like Minister Dweeby have been saying and doing for the last five years while youʼve been out to lunch golfing and bragging that you are the dark lord and master of the whitest manor of all. Every over-the-hill and out-of-touch municipal mayor worth his salt of the plundered earth should know that the brainiac Attorney General has far more sway and chutzpah than they do, which is particularly true when Horgsyʼs Youth Advisor just happens to be Ghoulieʼs former minion who knows full well how much the satyriCoN loves to hog the glory and claim the ill-gained credit while never apologizing once. 

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