The entitled Mountain Cultist Group just published their best cover ever for their latest summer 2023 edition, because they finally dared to showcase an image that could generate some backlash from their big business brethren, in the form of an editorial cartoon by renowned local artist, Josh Wapp, that wittily comments on the tragedy that comes with every bear killed by conservation officers in the name of protecting the invasive human species. By featuring a journalistic illustration on their flagship enterprise, wherein a crawling human has just been tranquilized by an ursine officer’s dart-gun, the materialistic Kooky Mountain Cultists are giving off the self-flattering impression that they are about to become more political, instead of being so obsequiously subservient to the milquetoast marketing demands of their corporate overlords who pay the christo-fascist bills, but is their observation true?
Upon a closer look at the head Kooky Mountain Cultist who gives the most offensive impression of a Bavarian alpinist you’ll ever see, while being an incredibly offensive emcee who thinks he’s way funnier than he is as he’s acting like an irredeemable jerk in the process alongside his misogynist comedian pals, one finds out that Rich Mitch Scoff wrote an accompanying post for the new magazine with its excellent cover that promised to be more political than ever before, even though it might shake some branches or some such overwrought metaphor that he so often glibly uses. Unfortunately for anyone who cares about hard-hitting media pieces that actively stand up and resist the autocratic hostile takeover of stolen Indigenous lands, the consumerist Kooky Mountain Cultists’ idea of resistance politics is to publish propaganda about the unCanadian nonPacific Railway that delicately questions why the USA-army-led polluting industrial machine is more powerful in Canamerica than even the monarchic feds. While neglecting to mention that the Kooky Mountain Cultists’ production office is housed in the belly of the atomic coal-fuelled beast, where their train station landlord whom their rent money goes to is none other than the real-estate profiteering land-holder conglomerate known as CPR, with its disgraceful well-documented history of buying corrupt civic politicians and manipulating media minions such as the frat-boy wasteland down at KMC Inc..
A proper reporting institution with moral integrity would mention in their softball puff-piece about Sir John A-Hole’s reign of colonial terror — which continues to this day! — that the unaccountable keystone cops owned by CPR will listen to their Manmoron masters ahead of the paramilitary Mounties and King Trudy the Second’s armed gunmen. A cursory mention of the Lytton wildfire apocalypse in the context of the Indigenous lawsuit by local witnesses who swear that Conductor Creel’s billionaire behemoth railroad caused the inferno would have been nice, but the KMC brotherhood love to ski around the issue without diving in, as they sell more glossy ads for expensive gear and elitist privileged vacations which only the supplicant aristocratic technocrats can afford these days.
Online research will show you that the Kooky Mountain Cultists have only written one article of significance about the forced extinction and persistent imperial persecution of the Autonomous Sinixt by the oligarchic racketeers, and even though their former Ceeb reporter celebrates the news that the Nakusp school-board chose to recognize the Sinixt alone in their land acknowledgement, it can’t be ignored that Rich Mitch and his boardroom boys worship WASPy monoculture, which only rewards sellout monstrosities like them. It’s easy to be profitable and successful when you’re doing and saying exactly what the bigoted moneymen want to see and hear.
This is the biggest most under-reported story in these dammed stolen lands, yet the Kooky Mountain Cultists can’t be bothered to write any followup articles of note about Marilyn James’ occupation of Crown land that is the longest in this yet-to-be decolonized colony. Adding insult to injury, Rich Mitch is a shifty power-player in the real estate scam called Railtown dominated by the choo-choo barons who rule the roost where he works, where you can’t catch a train to anywhere in classic foolish Nelsonian fashion, and he’s also the dubious host of a Columbus Basin Distrust podcast called Headwaters.
The timeless matriarchs of the Autonomous Sinixt are the rightful leaders in this ancient headwaters, where Emperor Blaylock and his atomic-age nightmarish vampires have despoiled our paradisiacal ecosystem beyond repair in the name of insatiable profit and perilous progress. But you wouldn’t know that if you read the Kooky Mountain Cultist’s navel-gazing back catalogue, such as their daft editor’s diatribe about how we should accept hellish white male power artificial intelligence just because he asked his old settler grandpa if it was okay.