I am amazing
and anxious and awake and tired and present and looking at the past and looking towards the future and calm and hyper and scared and fearless and strong and weak and hiding in the corner and stepping into the world and i feel all the everythings all at once and i keep on the path and i still am spontaneous and ready and curious for what is to come.
Dancing in the circle of my fears and life and the whole thing of it all.
Is it a crazy hard interesting thing to pack up your life and go into the world to see what newness and warmth and what there is out there? Sure is, but also isn’t.
I never espoused to wanting to be in one place for my whole life. The plan always was after the bambino was grown to go out into the world and see what else, see what was next. I never wanted to be here, in this place either, for my whole life. It served us so well for those young family child years. Very grateful for all of it! The ups and downs and all of it. The learning and growth in myself was more than I could have ever dreamed and I am so glad for it.
It has been a most wonderful 25 years here. We rocked it and did so many things and created so many memories. To just stay and keep doing more of those same things in the same place, (except the parenting part has morphed into its new adult phase,) well, for me feels stagnant. As they say, we only have one life and I want to see more and be more and do more. Both terrifying and exciting at the same time. Which I guess things are, like jumping out of a plane or bungee jumping, or falling in love. (not that i would jump out of a plane or bungee jump but I suppose this is sort of my version!)
Also interesting is that 25 years ago, me now hubband and I were on our way to backpack through Central America for 3 months. After a whirlwind long distance romance, we both chose to leave the lives we were in to take a chance on each other and travel and see what opportunities were out there. That trip changed my life forever in all the best ways.
The main opportunity was our marriage, which was the best decision of my life.
So here we are now, so many years later, kinda on a similar adventure. Only now we have a beautiful child and a house and a history and a stronger strength in each other and cell phones and the internet and what not.
When I was younger, I was nervous leaving on the trip, I only had the money in my bank account. No credit cards or anything! Remember travellers cheques?! The only way to connect with home was pay phones. We used the lonely planet guide and would arrive in a place with no accommodation booked, usually paying $10-$15 a night for a room….ah the bravery of youth!!
I am forever grateful I took the leap those 25 years ago. To leave everything in search of something different and in the end I found my life.
Here I go again.
Danke for being here.
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