What to share and what not to share. How vulnerable to be or not to be. Does it matter what I say, does it matter anyway?
Sometimes I feel all the things at once and it’s a lot. A mash of paradox that leaves me lost in the middle. Does this happen to you?
On one hand life is great, it’s warm, the sun is shining, it’s summer, we are getting ready to head out and hit the coast for a bit, there is a lot to be excited about.
At the same time I feel overwhelmed and small and stagnant and irrelevant and anxious.
I sit in the present moment and it’s stillness and I know and tell myself there is nothing happening in this moment to make me even register on the freak out scale, but then even the small things feel like they are part of the present freak out.
I’m still not sure of how much or what to share here on a personal level. It feels like with all the social and blogs, there is a certain cheerleader element to it. Like “look at me and all the fun and interesting and productive things I am up to and isn’t it all fabulous and I’m so darn happy and having the absolute most fun so come join me on the fun journey of yes!!” or then suddenly a flip to the inspirational like “I know it seems like I am having the best time and so fun and productive and happy but really I am struggling just like everyone else and so I want everyone to know that it is not all peaches and cream and I have hard times too and here are some great tips that I do to not get stuck in the funk.”
Because goodness knows that we should apparently all generate content for the masses in the same way because analytics have found that that is the best way to do it and we all want to do it the best so we can have and be the most no?
And goodness knows if you aren’t offering content that is giving what it needs to to your target audience, so they can feel like they are getting something that they need, well then what is the point?!
And so it brings me back to how much to share. I’m still not sure, but my brain doesn’t like being bossed around, even if it is apparently according to content creators that help content creators create their content….the best way !
I think really what a lot of this is all about is my poetry book. I keep hinting and it is really getting close, but everything just takes longer and is harder and more challenging, which doesn’t ever stop me from doing the things and completion but is still a thing…I guess I am anxious about it. I am so darn proud and excited and want to share so badly. Yet I am so apprehensive of the potential failure of it all. Until I actually have a hardcopy in my hand it is hard to imagine it will ever be true and exist. I have a hard time with patience and the book is requiring that of me. It has also been years (danke ‘demic) since I have been able to get my creative yaya’s out the way I normally do and now my yaya’s are going to be coming out in a brand new and far more vulnerable way. I’m breathing and even though it’s actually not, it currently feels like a lot. Vlogging and the y-tube fits into all of that in the same way as well.
All the content guides tell me I should only stick to one topic in my blogs for them to be successful. Even though sometimes it seems like I bounce around, to me it is all the same part of the same topic.
So anyhooooo, I have been back to watching odd things like Resident Evil…. In no way do I recommend it, I know it is based on a video game I have never played. I guess it just makes me feel like at least my life isn’t that stressful, and while a chunk of humanity feel zombified at least I don’t feel like people are going to actively try to eat my flesh. Metaphorically speaking they may want to gobble me up, but at least not actually.
That is me. How are you? Do you ever feel paradoxical too?
Danke for being here and your clicking support!
#forstmedia #paradox #artishard
P.S. Is it weird me transitioning to Lady Beastie? Does it feel less personal and more broad?